In A Present

“When you realise how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky”

- Buddha

Today one of my great aunts turned 65. She told me that for her 65th birthday, she is ‘retiring her worry’. Retiring worry sounds great to me. Imagine just being able to avoid that overwhelming storm which is anxiety. Imagine living without physical and emotional turmoil when contemplating the future.

The notion of ‘retiring worry’ got me considering being in the present moment. They say, ‘they’ being some philosophers, scholars and psychologists, that depression is birthed out of dwelling on the past and anxiety is from worrying about the future. So in terms of your emotional state, the present does look like a great thing to focus on, doesn’t it?

But how do you do that? I’m not completely sold on the ‘how’ for this. Because of what being present looks like for one, I’m going to guess, it looks a little different for another.

But the worry, that constant fuss over the unknown that completely overwhelms you and takes over your physical, emotional and mental state, well that’s something I’d like to retire to. I immediately wanted to ask my new friend (who is far more intelligent than I and works in psychology, specifically emotional intelligence) what the step was before you hit worry. Is there even a moment before or do we just jump into the anguish and the suffering of worrying? His answer, I think is helpful to share. He said before worry there is concern. In the state of concern, we have the space, fuel and capacity to be in action mode and make plans to ease the approach of worry. Sometimes you can ease it so well that you never reach that destination.

I like that. It’s logical and makes sense. When you are in concern you are able to have a balance between the present and the awareness of what may be approaching in the future. Before those images of possibilities blind you and make it extremely difficult to ground yourself with actions.

That’s all easy to say or to write, but not as easy to live in. And what does it look like? Does it look like someone sitting at their table with a big sheet of paper writing and designing a perfect action plan? And is that being present? Maybe it’s being present in your state of concern.

And what does the present look like? Is it sitting in a meditative state, is it going on a walk without your headphones in, is it talking with family or friends, is it blasting a song and dancing, or taking a picture of something you notice to be beautiful or interesting? To be honest I don’t really know. I think there are a lot of nuances and fine lines around this. Because one moment you can be laughing with a friend over the fact you just fell over, then they remind you of a past memory when you fell over before and you end up laughing about that too. Is that the present moment turning into the past? I don’t know. You see as someone who tends to ‘deep’ things, meaning I analyse and question even my current thoughts, I can easily go on an uncontrolled, unstructured tangent. But before I get carried away, let me move on. 

Living moment to moment, second to second doesn’t seem that practical in today’s society. It's definitely not universally practised or taught. And there feels to be a level of privilege around it. Privilege in either being schooled and taught to have the intellectual resources to know and understand what being present is. Also, there’s the issue of financial security. One can assume someone with that security has an easier time being present and not worrying about the future in terms of money. There’s also the issue of physical safety, those who don’t have safety may not be able to be in the present when they live with physical/emotional threats and fear. But I guess that’s me thinking in extremes around it. And that’s my limited thinking in that the absence of problems is equal to the absence of worry and anxiety or even depression. When you live in perfect circumstances then you can be present. Which is clearly not the point as life is full of undesirable circumstances. Again I’m going to gently move on from this point of thought before I get carried away, for although this is a blog, I do not wish to solve all the questions with my limited understanding. Far smarter people in the world are studying this, but I hope anyone who reads this can ponder what they think about the concepts of ‘retiring worry’ and ‘being present’. Especially if you haven’t thought on these subjects before.

Earlier today I was scrolling on Instagram and came across a post from one of my favourite screenwriters Dan Levy. He posted a short video of Joni Mitchel singing live in a concert he attended. Honestly, it was a cool thing to share, but in his post he apologised for the short clip and wrote about not wanting to film too much as he didn’t want to be the person ‘not living in the moment’, but clearly he wanted a filmed momento from the experience. Was he not living in the moment when he took out his phone and just hit record? I don’t know for sure. I think sometimes the need to document everything can emphasise the present moment and make you even more aware of what’s happening. But equally, I can say it can also distracts you, disconnects you and removes you from what’s happening. Especially at music events where there is a connection that is taking place between the performer and the members of the audience and certainly a phone in between you disconnects that. It’s sad because I understand both sides. We want the moment to review in the future, therefore I guess we are already out of the present by preparing for the future. Also if one day all our phones, clouds and hard drives were wiped, would we regret wasting the time to capture something that’s no longer, when we could have spent that time embracing the feeling of the moment and really downloading it into our senses and essence? I don’t know.

I certainly believe that we shouldn’t be valuing the present moment in what content it produces for our social media. Because that is something we can all see a lot of when we scroll online. Did we really have a fun night out if there weren’t any pictures? Was the meal really that good if I didn’t feel the need to photograph it and share it? Does being present mean sharing things online or does it mean to simply experienced your life within yourself? 

This is a somewhat philosophy-indulging piece I’ve ended up writing and to be honest I wasn’t planning on doing it. I’m kind of falling down the rabbit hole of thought. And is this me being present or is this me dwelling on a thought I had an hour ago? Am I concerned with what my next blog post will be so I’m writing this as an action I’m taking to ease that concern? Or am I going into an anxiety-induced tangent because I fear social media and not being completely present is doing something horrible to my brain and mental health? Again who knows? I’m not that emotionally intelligent yet to give you or myself that straight answer.

Nonetheless, let me touch on the quote at the top of the blog today as it was something I picked at random from a large box of quotes that I’ve been using as journal prompts. Somehow todays actually fits in with what I ended up writing and thinking about. “When you realise how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky”, I see that this is about being in the present, for when you are very grounded in the current moment there is a great absence of worry but a great presence of appreciation. When you truly take stock of the present. For instance, right this second, I’m in the most beautiful space in the middle of nowhere-Connecticut, in a gorgeous house of new friends and inspiring people I have met while travelling. I’m sitting on quite honestly the comfiest couch I’ve ever sat on. I have the cutest and most loving two dogs cuddled up beside me. The sun is shining through the glass windows. I’m physically writing. It is my favourite activity in the world. And I feel comfortable in the physical and emotional space I’m in. Now I guess, all things considered, ‘everything is perfect’ and I can tilt my head back ‘and laugh at the sky’. I guess this is the present.

Now If you came with me on this tangent maybe take a moment to tap into your current moment. Take in the time of day, the sky, the physical and emotional space you are in and try to leave judgment outside of it.

Writing these blog posts feels like an exercise in being present. I have to do it and complete it in the moment or else I’d never share anything. My other writing is usually a lot more fussed over. And takes me a long time to ever share it. So unfortunately for any blog readers I may have it is a risk you take each time as to how tangible and well thought out each post is, but hopefully we can share and connect and enjoy this experience of sharing.

And to close out please remember to be gentle with yourself out there. And maybe try to be as present as you can, whatever that may look like to you.

NN.